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The Lady Exiled by ~Moon-and-Ash:iconMoon-and-Ash:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


Last night I dreamt
that my teeth fell out;
I heard the staccato scatter and cracking
like shells over cobbles under hooves
but didn't feel a thing.

This morning the postman
brought your letter
even though you're dead
and I'm in exile
or maybe I've only dreamt that, too.

So I read
while the tea cools, forgotten,
its comfort displaced by
pulls on cigarettes
until they are ash and I have reached
the curl of ink bent around your name,
the implication leaving me blind and
marvelling at the body's ability
to contain such magnitudes of
smoke and regret.
©2009 ~Moon-and-Ash
:iconmoon-and-ash:

Author's Comments

Something (sort of) different.

Daily Deviation

Given 2009-11-16

This poem, The Lady Exiled by ~Moon-and-Ash, as our suggester notes: "is imbued with perfect proportions of impact and technique. The poet doesn't simply give us great imagery - she animates it, weaving it with the very fabric of the poem's pathos. 'Staccato scatter' shows the reader that alliteration can be more than a repetition of consonants at the beginning of two words - it can be so much more." (Suggested by *Leurindal and Featured by ^LadyLincoln)

Comments


love 1 1 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconthetaoofchaos:
*thetaoofchaos Oct 28, 2009, 11:30:50 AM
the last stanza contains an entire lifetime of expectations, red cherry dashed in the ashtray.

it is amazing how the body can "contain such magnitudes" of everything, including regret, pilfered from the smoke.

:heart:

--
The world is an eraser for these words


- Jack Kerouac


we must destroy that which contains us
:iconraptor45:
~Raptor45 Oct 28, 2009, 1:05:26 PM
Has such a desolate feel to it..
Damn, I love this.
:iconadmiralvorkraft:
~admiralvorkraft Oct 28, 2009, 7:26:41 PM
I like it, more "realistic" than some of your work but retaining your excellent style and meter.

--
Illusion is the first of all pleasures - Oscar Wilde
:iconhell-on-a-stick:
*hell-on-a-stick Oct 29, 2009, 6:04:25 PM
ive had one of those dreams lately too. how strange.

--
I tell you such fine music awaits in the shadows of the fires of hell. -Charles Bukowski
Now you can buy my book here!--------->>> [link]
:iconmoon-and-ash:
~Moon-and-Ash Oct 29, 2009, 6:12:55 PM
Hmm. Anxiety? A feeling of powerlessness? A thing in life decayed? -- these are offered as possible interpretations and I'm not certain how satisfied I am with any; but I am happy enough to be dreaming again. :heart:
:iconmoon-and-ash:
~Moon-and-Ash Oct 29, 2009, 6:14:49 PM
Thank you. I'm glad it's the style that transcends and not just the moodiness. Likewise, I'm pleased that I seem to be able to (somewhat) channel the real world at last. :heart:
:iconmoon-and-ash:
~Moon-and-Ash Oct 29, 2009, 6:17:30 PM
I'm so glad it worked for you. :heart:
:iconmoon-and-ash:
~Moon-and-Ash Oct 29, 2009, 6:19:51 PM
O sage reader - one hefty, sighing, 'indeed'. I'm pleased that you seem to have accorded the last stanza the legitimacy I *really* struggled with (lots of frowning/coffee went into it).

As ever, thank you for your words. And the +fave! :heart:
:iconhell-on-a-stick:
*hell-on-a-stick Oct 29, 2009, 6:51:30 PM
often dreams about teeth are about pregnancy of ideas, giving birth to a new self or a new concept or shedding weight we've been carrying around that has gone rotten.

--
I tell you such fine music awaits in the shadows of the fires of hell. -Charles Bukowski
Now you can buy my book here!--------->>> [link]
:iconmoon-and-ash:
~Moon-and-Ash Nov 8, 2009, 10:22:59 PM
I rather like your interpretation better. The one I'd found was unsettlingly bleak. I like the idea of growth, and forward movement. Thanks. :heart:
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